How to avoid being labelled as an Expat Wife

Moving overseas simply because one’s husband has landed his ideal job in an exotic location may sound like fun, but what if you’ve decided to put your own career on hold to potentially save your relationship?

In this day and age, it’s highly unlikely that spouses of successful men are more than happy to sit at home in ‘stand by your man’ mode waiting for his arrival after a hard day’s work. More often than not, the wives of successful males have careers of their own, about which they care a great deal. Giving up on their own aspirations to follow their husbands overseas is, for many, the hardest decision they’ve ever made.

Dependent on the destination, career-oriented wives may be able to break rank from accepted norms and get on with their individual lives as well as being supportive to their husbands. But, and it’s a big ‘but’ which assumes enormous proportions in certain countries, the ‘Expat Wife’ stigma is still in place no matter where you’re living. Even the term ‘trailing spouse’ is a label, as is ‘dependent’ or ‘accompanying partner’, all of which degrade women’s personalities by assuming they’re totally dependent on their husbands’ jobs.

This classic stereotype takes away women’s personalities and negates their past experiences career-wise, reducing them to an old-fashioned, almost colonial lack of status or the overseas equivalent of a ‘soccer mum’. As a result, the common reaction in professional expat communities is either a lack of interest and understanding or even pity and disrespect. It’s tough enough, especially if children are involved, to deal with adjusting to an unfamiliar language and culture without having to fight against your diminished image simply because you decided to become an enabler by relocating along with your husband.

One answer seems to be to use the first few months’ adjustment period to design a new role for yourself, rather than becoming increasingly unhappy with your position and taking to the all-too-common outlet of alcohol. It’s your husband who has to turn up at work every day – you have the freedom to do whatever you want, whether it’s finding yourself a rewarding job, taking up an interest you didn’t have time for whilst working or learning the language of your new country. Following your own dreams by listening to your inner voice is essential as it gives positive empowerment and confidence.