How do new expat moms cope with Dutch school parental etiquette

Being an expat mom as well a trailing spouse is complicated enough but coping with Dutch primary school parental etiquette is another story.

The problem isn’t simply dropping off your kids at their new Dutch schools and hoping they’ll integrate successfully, as parents’ integration is also important and trickier by far. Once on the school grounds with their little darlings, Dutch moms spend far more time keeping a close, curious eye on other parents than they do watching their kids. All parents experience stress when their offspring attend school for the first time, but it’s far worse for expat moms who don’t understand the language as yet, never mind the unspoken signals sent out by local moms.

Compared to the British and possibly the American systems, many aspects of primary schools in the Netherlands seem little short of crazy. There’s a vastly popular TV series entitled ‘De Luizenmoedor’ – roughly translated as ‘The Lice Mother’ – portraying life in a primary school in all its glory including backbiting, gossip and competitions as to which parent helps out most at the school. This last may seem unimportant to many expat moms, but in the Netherlands it’s an essential part of your children’s primary education! The TV show also emphasises the importance of singing a song in front of all parents before the start of lessons, but several expat moms now believe it’s to conceal the fact that no-one speaks to anyone else when dropping off their kids at school.

It has to be said that Dutch schools are far less formal than those in France and possibly in the UK, in spite of the fact that communication between parents is practically non-existent. One expat decided to move her daughter to a more friendly school, simply because she herself couldn’t cope with the long silences and curious stares. Her second choice was far more parent-friendly, and her daughter enjoyed her education far more as a result. The general opinion amongst expat moms is that learning a little Dutch before arriving in the Netherlands is good as an ice-breaker, but becoming competent in the language is necessary and helps children integrate as well.