Women expats warned over bullying in expatriate communities

Working expat women as well as trailing spouses may find themselves victims of bullying in overseas womens’ groups.

Whether moving overseas to take on a new job or accompanying your spouse on relocation abroad, stepping into a totally new environment can have its problems. Relocating to a city with its own established expatriate community can be reassuring, but it can also be destructive dependent on the community itself. Expat groups are seen as providing instant friendships and support, especially for females new to the scene, but all is often not exactly what it seems.

The majority of women in expat groups have moved away from friends and family and have often left a successful career behind them to be with their spouses. Insecurity can result, boredom sets in, cliques form and those who don’t quite fit in can be the victims of bullying and put-downs, leaving them feeling even more isolated. This scenario can happen worldwide as it’s nothing to do with the actual location. For example, instant friendships can turn into something very different, as one expat in Luxembourg found out. She believed she’d made friends at a local expat women’s meet, but one friendship broke down quickly, leaving her believing she’d done something wrong. Then the verbal abuse started, quickly changing to behind-the-back comments. She had no idea what lies were being told about her, and no way to find out. No-one in the group backed her up, and no-one supported her. Most of the comments were via social media, but she genuinely feared physical violence.

Another woman who found herself in the same situation tried to talk to the ringleader but her attempt only made things worse. All those she thought were her friends were openly attacking her, with her only option to distance herself from the entire group. It seems that, in already cliquey expat communities, too many alpha females in one place can lead to the weaker or recently arrived members experiencing verbal abuse and bullying. Both women affected by the group’s behaviour believe expat clubs and suchlike organisations must also be cliquey and dominated by the people in charge. Staying clear is the only answer, they say, as the groups’ behaviours demonstrate a schoolyard mentality in which the strong prey on the weak. ->